First I’d like to start by saying building faith-based relationships is something I haven’t quite done myself yet…
But that’s ok!
The process of building those spiritual connections with others and improving upon those relationships is a lifetime journey!
So, if making friends, especially faith friends doesn’t come naturally to you I want you to know you aren’t alone.
I’ve wrestled with this struggle since I was a little kid.
Most of my faith-based relationships and just relationships in general have been with family ever since. My Mom, Dad, and Sister being the most apparent in my life.
However, I hope through this blog I’ll begin making those kinds of connections! I’m really excited to build a ministry of women I can truly call sisters in Christ!
So before I get into things I just wanted to clarify this post isn’t some step by step professional how-to, by a well experienced relationship builder lol.
But, it is a sort of “walk-with-me” guide that is scripture saturated and has a healthy dose of my own wisdom and experience.
What I’ve Learned So Far
I’m the type of person who enjoys being alone despite also craving deep connections with others (it can be quite confusing at times lol).
Sometimes I get too used to being alone and experience seasons of apathy towards community, strong dislike of social interaction, social anxiety, and periods of deep loneliness.
However, I’ve learned that God built us to be in communion first with Him and then with each other. Personally I think that’s why only Adam was created first instead of both Adam and Eve at the same time. That was God demonstrating His design.
God also didn’t just design us for community but commands us to be actively in community.
He calls us to:
- Pray and study scripture together (Acts 2:42)
- Break bread together (Acts 2:46)
- Solve quarrels together (Colossians 3:13)
- Grieve together and bear each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2 and Romans 12:15)
- Worship and praise Him together (Psalm 34:3)
- Learn from and be good influences on each other (Proverbs 27:17 and Hebrews 3:13)
- Take care of the vulnerable ones in our community (widows, orphans, elderly, etc) (James 1:27)
Rings of community
I look at community in three separate rings
Inner ring is communion with God
Second ring is your immediate family
Third is church family
Then outside of these rings is secular community
We should be active participants in each ring. Prioritizing communion within each ring.
Maybe that sounds daunting especially to my fellow introverts but the measure of your love is how much you’re willing to be inconvenienced. Look at how inconvenienced God is with us! That’s Love.
Who knows maybe it’s your friendship that blesses someone or is an answer to someone’s prayers!
God often answers prayers in the form of a friend, family member, kind stranger, or something of the sort.
Biblical Foundation for Faith-Based Relationships
God designed relationships to reflect our relationship with Him and reinforce our fruit. So our relationships should strengthen, refine, challenge, and encourage us.
Community isn’t just a design by God but also a command. Take it from someone who hasn’t had much community in her life for a while, there is a reason God requires this!
I just recently went back to church after quite some time away and I can’t even begin to describe how healing it was for my spirit.
It’s not like I’ve been distant from God, as a matter of fact I’ve leaned on him more in my isolation.
No, it wasn’t a lack of God that made the return so powerful, it was the gain of community worship and like-mindedness that made it so powerful. This is what scripture is referring to here:
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”– Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)
But first and foremost “not forsaking the assembly of the saints” as the King James Version states it is not just a suggestion for comfort but a call to obedience and love.
Being in communion with one another strengthens the church body and the stronger the body of Christ is the more good we can accomplish and the more glory goes to God!
Keeping the church divided is one of the biggest and easiest things the enemy does to keep the followers of Christ distracted from our mission.
What Does “Faith-Based” Actually Mean
Well I’m not just talking about “Christian friends” I’m talking about real relationships anchored in Christ, centered in Grace and that prioritize accountability and encouragement.
A faith-filled relationship will be spiritually healthy and fruitful.
You’ll be equally yoked, which doesn’t mean “the exact same person who agrees on everything” but people who balance you, challenge you, humble you, grow you, and do so in love while you do the same for them.
No relationship will ever be perfect but it can always be fruitful as long as you put Christ at the center of it, not as an afterthought.
Iron Sharpens Iron
A good faith-filled relationship shouldn’t just make you feel good but encourage and challenge you to grow.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”–Proverbs 27:17 (NIV)
Without mutual sharpening a relationship can slowly reinforce stagnation instead of faith.
Healthy vs Toxic/Fake relationships
A great test to see if a relationship is spiritually fruitful is to ask yourself if the relationship is leading you closer to God or further away.
If the relationship isn’t fruitful that doesn’t always mean it’s bad it just means it needs spiritual strengthening. Pray for fruitfulness within the relationship.
A toxic relationship, however, is one that doesn’t just lead you away from God but actively leads you toward sin. Scripture warns us that “bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33 NIV).
A friend who encourages ungodly behavior — especially if they claim to be a follower of Christ — is a toxic influence.
“The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” — Proverbs 12:26 (NIV)
A “Christian” partner who encourages behavior that doesn’t honor the covenant of marriage without repentance is a toxic partner.
“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take…” — Psalm 1:1 (NIV)
A pastor or spiritual leader who teaches personal opinion over God’s Word is a toxic leader.
“Watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.” — Romans 16:17–18 (NIV)
Ultimately, toxic relationships are defined by unrepentant behavior.
“Having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.” — 2 Timothy 3:5 (NIV)
Discerning better relationships
One of the most sound pieces of advice I’ve heard is to build relationships with people who have the mindsets, lifestyles, or educations you desire.
You want to make money and run a successful business then become friends with people who are making good money running successful businesses.
You want to unlock and enhance your creativity then befriend creative people!
You want to grow in your faith and build a stronger relationship with Christ, build relationships with genuine God-fearing mature Christians who want that too and desire to fill your spiritual cup and sharpen your spiritual iron.
Another great piece of advice I’ve heard along similar lines is: Be the person you want to befriend or…
Become Who You Want to Attract
The first thing you should do before even praying for a godly community is pray that God forms you into a godly friend and servant to others.
This goes for more than just the kind of friend and servant you should be but also what kind of person you desire to become.
In other words, if you want true friends of God then make sure you are being a true friend yourself first!
Beam In Your Own Eye
A big problem I see often when people start complaining about their relationships (any kind) is a lack of personal responsibility.
“Why do you look at the splinter in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the beam of wood in your own eye?”– Matthew 7:3 (CSB)
We need to first take the beam of wood from our own eye before we start tending to the splinters in the eyes of others. (Matthew 7:5)
Don’t pray to God for Godly friends if you’re not being one yourself.
Or pray for a godly husband if you aren’t working towards becoming a godly wife.
Or how about not praying for better behaved children but instead praying to become a patient parent who can be a godly role-model for your kids.
Those prayers are good to pray but scripture says to “die to self” and pick up YOUR cross and follow Christ. That is personal responsibility first.
The Beauty of Growing Together
“Two are better than one… if either of them falls down, one can help the other up, but pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”— Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)
Don’t make the mistake of neglecting your relationships in pursuit of self or the idea you’re better off alone.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” — John 15:5 (NIV)
We are extensions of God always meant to remain in Him and connected to each other. In order to live limitlessly in Christ we need support– first from God then from others.
Prayer for Community
Dear Heavenly Father and Author of my life,
Thank You for the blessing of Your faithful love and perfect friendship!
I humbly ask that You reveal to me what’s in my heart and where I should grow in love and Christ-like servitude towards others.
Please help me to examine my thoughts, behaviors, and intentions when dealing with others and in my desire for a faith-filled community. I ask that You embolden me to jump on opportunities you’ve laid in my path to grow my spiritual circle of friends.
And to have the courage to not just be myself but serve others I may unknowingly shy away from.
Free me from myself by filling my heart with genuine care and empathy towards everyone made in your image, not just fellow believers and people within my inner circle.
Thank You for all I know You are and will continue to do in and around my life to slowly but surely build my heart for others and my Faith-based community!
In Jesus’ fulfilling name I pray and give thanks,
Amen.
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